I marvel at my ability to move on and my strong mindedness. I have loved and lost so many friends in the past and never once looked back. Even when they came begging on their knees, I never accepted their apology. I do not believe in giving second chances from all the things that I have seen in life. Life has been my greatest teacher and there are no second chances at life. Once you die, you will always be dead. The same way, once you commit a crime, you are always a criminal. In the same manner, once you try to hurt me, even if you are not successful, you could try again. And therefore, i will not give you a second chance to do what you may not have been able to do the first time. Every time I walked away from the kind of friendships in which the people took all I could give as a friend and then ditched me or ill treated me, I patted myself for gradually developing a negligible E.Q. or Emotional Quotient. I inculcated this talent of letting go of people as a child due to many family circumstances. Every day, I see many people crying over spilt milk and past relationships and never understand why it is not easy for them to move on. How could you miss someone who caused you hurt or anger? Some people never seem to move on or understand that time, life and people’s feelings are transient. They only remember how the relationship was like sunshine when it began but tend to overlook how cold and damp it became during the dusk. It is good to not get attached to people and it is even better to never have any expectations from anyone. Attachment and expectations cause misery to people. Let me give you a few examples from my personal experience.
Today, I don’t easily trust people enough to make best friends. But about 6-7 years ago, I was naïve. I had a best friend who fought with me because of his girlfriend with whom I had set him up. Life is so ironical right? I mean I did that girl a favour by setting her up with my best friend whom she had a longstanding crush on, and she went behind my back and told him things about me which were untrue so she could ruin my friendship with him. You may wonder why she did so; I think she was insecure. But I did not ever even ask her for an explanation as to why she did this. But I was only sad and annoyed by the fact that my so called best friend trusted her instead of me! Love makes people blind I guess (sigh!). After I told him that nothing broke my heart except that he believed something someone else said about me, I never called or texted him again. Sometimes I felt like talking to him once more and hanging out with him like we used to, but I had made up my mind. Since he did not trust me, he was not worth my time. A few months later, he tried to contact me, but I did not even acknowledge his hello in the corridor and blocked his number on my phone. Back then, I had congratulated myself for getting over our deep friendship so easily.
Bill Watterson has very rightly said,“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.”
Two of my very close friends, with whom I used to hang out 24X7, blamed me for using them for “eating their lunch” and other stuff. You must be thinking that this must have happened way back in class 2 or something. Actually, this hilarious yet infuriating incident took place a month after the three of us graduated from high school! They both (a girl and a boy) got jealous because they thought I did not spend enough time with them and they were not my priority. Of course they were not! We were close friends, yes, but we were not spouses. I had a life outside them and they did not like it. So, they cooked up foul stories about me and spread them. And when I called them up to simply inquire about why they said such things about me, they accused me of using them when I had no one else to spend time with! Childish morons! I immediately disconnected the phone call and blocked both of them from all my social networking accounts as well as my phone. Sometimes, I missed their company and since the girl was like my sister, I missed her more than I missed him, I never tried to reconcile with such foul mouthed pigs. I only teased myself time and again about how I trusted the wrong people again. A year later, one of them stalked me home and apologized to me on the street with tears in his eyes, but I discarded his apology and stamped on his request to start anew. That day I extolled myself on mastering my emotionless mind once again.
“The reason many people in our society are miserable, sick, and highly stressed is because of an unhealthy attachment to things they have no control over.” –Steve Maraboli.
A year from then, my best friend of 4 years said something so down market to me during a fight that I hung up and never took his calls or messages ever again. He tried contacting me via Facebook and other mutual friends and poured apologies from his heart at my feet, but I walked away from our friendship and never looked back. He used to be so dear to me but the day he uttered those fateful words, he became a stranger to me.
“It was a mistake,” you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you.”
― David Levithan.
All these incidents have made me a more mature and stronger person. Today, most of my friends think I trust them, but deep down, I don’t. I never got attached to any of these creatures I met in the past or expected anything too much out of them, but they taught me another valuable lesson: never trust people. So now my extended list of Don’ts includes:-
- Get attached to anyone except your immediate family.
- Have expectations from anyone.
- Trust anyone until they win your trust.