The Bane of Bad Parenting

Parents are children’s first and foremost teachers. It’s what our parents teach us that we imbibe in our vocabulary and behavior. It’s a common scenario in society that a child, belonging to a family who converse politely, is positive to show polite behavior with other kids. On the other hand a child, belonging to a family that throws abuses at each other, is much less likely to be polite. Those kids turn out to be bullies in most cases. Proper parenting plays a great deal of importance in the well-bringing of children.

None of us are perfect and being a first parent you are bound to make mistakes on the bumpy journey of parenthood. It’s not a big deal if you make a mistake with your kid but it becomes a big deal once you keep repeating that mistake. Parents must take care never to repeat mistakes they have committed earlier. Consistently making those mistakes is what is known as bad parenting. They may lead to consequences during childhood and beyond.

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Ever noticed the grumpy, stubborn fat neighborhood kid? That kid seriously has some behavior problems. Well it’s not the kid’s fault. It was the bad decision that his parents made during his upbringing that gave him the behavioral problems. Let’s say your child wants something highly inappropriate and you say “no” but after she cries her eyes out and keeps screaming, you finally give in. You know what you just taught her? “Next time you need something, just cry hard. I’ll give it to you!” Yes, that’s what she learned. And eventually this is going to cause a lot of trouble as she grows up. The above is an example of inconsistent discipline. If you say “no” to something, then it should always stay “no.” Parents must always heed to consistency. Otherwise a child may turn out to be rebellious and defiant. Moreover, apart from saying “no,” the parent should justify why the things that the child craves is inappropriate for her. This brings a certain level of maturity in a kid and she understands why she shouldn’t long for that particular thing.

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Next step in parenting is building the bond of trust between you and your child so that whatever problem your kid cooks up, he or she can give you a visit for advice and help. Bad parenting can break the trust wall between you and your kid. If you promise to take your kid to the park and don’t follow it up then your kid might feel that you can’t be trusted for what you say you can do. If you keep repeatedly telling your child that he or she can come to you and talk about his or her feelings and burst out every time your child presents something that you wouldn’t like to hear, trust me you can never rebuilt the trust wall again. Even if your child gets into knee deep problem, he/ she would never trust you for getting help. Parents must understand that sometimes our kids turn out to be way different than we want them to be. You may want your daughter to do ballet but she may end up falling in love with hip-hop! Do you think your anger at her for choosing something you hate is going to be helpful? Of course not. All it is going to help is to drive her away from you. Nurture the bond of trust that you share with your child. Have faith in her. If she falls, pick her up. If she falls again, make her understand her mistakes, lovingly.  You never know she might end up becoming the most wonderful ballet dancer ever!

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Every child wants to have parents on whom they can lay all their trusts and who support them in every aspect of life. Some children, even after being victimized by bad parenting, end up having bright, successful and happy lives. They do well with their own children giving them whatever lacked in their own childhood. But this may not be the case always. When there’s yin, there’s yang. Many parents perform the same routine of what their parents did and end up suffocating their children with bad parenting. They continue the tradition of making poor parenting decisions and tormenting their child’s childhood. If you grew up with negative parents, the chances are that you may end up being the same. Remember Bobby form Supernatural series? He had a bad childhood because of his father who never spared a chance to hurt Bobby’s feelings. And fearing that he would end up the same way as his Dad, Bobby never had children. He never wanted his children to experience the same ruthless childhood he had. Well, the consequences of bad parenting can hit quite hard sometimes!

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Children never want perfect parents. All they want is parents who love them. When we talk about bad parenting, it does not necessarily imply that the parent is intrinsically bad. A parent cannot be a bad person. It’s just he/she makes some bad decisions. Parenting is an ongoing process of trial and error. All it requires is to accept your errors and never try them again.

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