Had A Breakup? Don’t Dwell on It

A fortnight back I guess, back home, I walked into my cousin’s room or the room’s door. More like I banged into it, knocking with my nose. I waited then knocked again. I could hear the unbolting of the door and then the door creak open, only slightly. She peeped out of the small gap, hair messy, kohl messier. I pushed in before I was pushed out only regretting my entry.

The room was in a mess. Chocolate wrappers on the floor, ice cream tub on top of my favourite pink duvet and “I knew you were trouble when you walked in” by Taylor Swift almost shouting from her Desktop speakers. I lowered the volume, put the wrappers in the bin and just as I was to take to her ice cream tub, she snatched at it. I don’t blame her, Mississippi Mud from Baskin Robbins was my favourite too and she knew my predatory attack at the ice-cream, HER ice-cream. The curious me fished for a reason, the possessive me hoped it was no heartbreak. Thankfully for me, she replied it was her maths exam that morning. She had studied three days without sleep and that was not smudged kohl but dark circles. I had my doubts and rubbed at her eyes to check. It wasn’t kohl. I still wasn’t content. I pointed at the Hershey’s wrapper in the bin. She looked horrified. I felt a moment of déjà vu. I scanned through my mind library and identified that expression. For your reference:

“Will looked horrified. “What kind of monster could possibly hate chocolate?”- Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel

I felt that moment of melting looking at that expression. I sighed and we both broke into fits of laughter. I am pretty sure you had your doubts too. No sane mind would have comprehended that state for the misery of an exam gone badly. You get my point? There is a certain state of mind and physical appearance that we have type-casted with certain circumstances. Post a breakup, a man is typically expected to be drunk or miserable while the lady to be broken, wrecked and in a mess-literally too. What else is associated with breakups is the type of songs my sister had on her playlist then. Does your choice of song compulsorily have to reflect your state of mind? Can the song you play not be simply the genre of music you like? Do the lyrics have to convey your message? No. They Don’t. But the point I make here is more sublime. It is about the real heartbreaks. Your breakup with your 5 year girlfriend does not explain your miserable state. It shouldn’t too. Breakups happen, people move on and that you need to realize. For as long as you’re stuck on your previous relationship, you are stuck in time. Your clock has ceased to move and you’re losing onto the limited moments you have in life. There was a reason that you got pushed enough to break up anyway. Going back is no option; it would only be rewinding and replaying the same film over again. Moving on would. For as long as you’ll dwell in your past, you won’t dwell in your present. Your past won’t make your future, your present would. There are more people your life matters to than the one you got over with. And let me tell you let us stay friends is the worst way to end it. You’ll keep there forever. Neither of you would be able to move on. You’ll always have this wish of reading through the other’s mind every time you are together. Break-ups happen for better things to come together, do not block them from your life. You do not want to regret later.


“Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.”
― Steve Maraboli

Your break up is a part of your history; your past is not your destiny. Do not bury within you regrets or grief. Cry them out and start afresh. Dwelling in your breakup is not you. Listening to “unfaithful” will only break you more, not hold you together. Do not let him be ‘the reason for the teardrops on your guitar anymore.’ You’ve got a life and you deserve to live. Get over the breakup, take time but don’t pretend you’ve gotten over it. Get your spirits high. Party till you can for your ankles aren’t tied to weights too heavy anymore. Breakup’s are not for you to dwell in them, they are for you to dwell in a better future. The first step to that is to remember that the breakups in chic flicks are scripted after all, and the reactions to them too.

“Well, now
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you
Little by little
If suddenly you forget me
Do not look for me
For I shall already have forgotten you
If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms
And my roots will set off to seek another land”
― Pablo Neruda, Selected Poems

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