If I Had a Chance

If I had a chance I would have done things differently. How many of us ask ourselves this question? Not about something particular but I’m talking in a general manner. There are so many things in life we wish we would have done differently. So how many of us wonder that? All of us I guess. So I think the more appropriate question here would be how frequently do we ask this question to ourselves?

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After losing something you dearly liked but never truly appreciated. After losing a friendship because you failed to overcome your ego and clear out the air between? After losing a relationship because you didn’t appreciate and value your partner as much as it was needed and always took them for granted. Or after losing your dream because somewhere you failed to put in all your efforts. These are not some rarest of the rare situations but some very common ones. We have something or someone in our life, we have the best of opportunities but we do not exercise them to the most and end up losing them and living a life of despair and regret.

Currently it is the time of the year when academic sessions are coming to an end. Since this is my final year in college, my life at this place is coming to an end. Pondering over how amazing this whole journey of three years has been and dealing with the stigma of how few days are left of it I end up thinking all the moments I have lived and all the experiences I have had. There have been good times and also bad ones, there have been insanely crazy days and also some gloomy ones but what kills me the most is thinking about the times where I wish I had done things differently or situations where I would have acted differently. The things I regret doing and the things I regret not doing. I think that’s the hardest part for all of us, having regrets and living with them.

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I wanted to be an active member of some society, dance, art, social service, anything but something. I thought about it many times but still didn’t join any. Sometimes due to lack of time where I couldn’t go for their orientation program or other times the people in it didn’t appear much interesting to me. But now I think it was just because I didn’t really try to be a part. And if I had a chance I would like to be involved in some sort of activity or some society.

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In the very first week of college I made a few friends. They are pretty nice and we are a small group of crazy people doing silly stuff together. But then I wish I had interacted more with other people too and not stayed in one pack of people. Yeah I know that at the end of the day it is good to belong to one tight group of friends but I also wanted to have more connections, people I can talk to and spend good time with even when my group of friends is not around. I wanted to be known as a friendly girl who talks to everyone and can quickly make friends. If I had a chance to restart my college life I would have surely worked on this.

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I have a boyfriend with whom I have an epic kind of relationship (I really like saying the word epic!). We love each other and once in a while we also happen to fight. Out of a bundle of miscellaneous random issues to fight upon the most recurring one is not getting enough time to spend with each other. It is not due to anybody’s fault but at time we both are genuinely busy and it gets difficult to manage out some time. I know this fact but yet I end up arguing about it with him. And trust me I have spoiled some potentially happy days just because I couldn’t stop arguing. But if I had a chance to live them back again I would tell him that it’s okay. And I would appreciate and enjoy the time we actually have together.

Remember I said having regrets is the hardest part. But now I think having regrets is easy. Thinking about how you would have done things differently if were given an opportunity to do them again is weak and well pointless. What can actually help is letting go and instead working on the present and the future, planning to do things, in a way that you don’t regret them later, and then doing them. We cannot undo the past and no matter how sincerely you wish if you had a chance but you cannot have that chance again at least not with the time that has already gone by. What you do have a chance is to live your present the way you want. You certainly can choose to live it like you truly want to and so that you never have to deal with these words again in life, “If I had a chance”.

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