I think this happens to me every now and then, I wouldn’t even say in an year’s time because it doesn’t even take that long. Whenever I look back at how I was a while ago, I just can’t comprehend what and how changed me so much in such a short time. Today I went to one of my college friend’s birthday party. Her best friend had got this huge collage sorts framed for her which had pictures of all her close friends holding different letters of happy birthday in the correct sequence. He had actually sent it across to her place in the night, and half the time on the phone she was just wondering where it came from. She forgot to thank us for wishing her too, but never mind. I can understand her level of anxiety and curiosity at that point of time. Needless to say it was a very cute gesture, and rather an even better gift because it was really memorable.It reminded of my birthday a couple of years ago, when my best friend got me a very similar framed collage too. It’s still lying in my bedroom, thanks to the overflow of pictures on my walls already, I’ve just kept it on the side. Plus it’s pretty huge too.
But that’s not what it is about. It made me wonder how different I was a couple of years ago and what I’m like now and what brought about this drastic change in me. I cried in a mall in front of like 30 people when my friend made me a scrapbook for my birthday 3 years ago. If the same thing was given to me today, I’d probably just hug it out and say thanks. Not that I’d be any less affectionate, because that’s one thing I’ve always been. But I don’t think I’d be as touched as I was that day three years now. I remember being this person who’d be so emotionally attached to all the people and things around, who’d silently cry in movie halls every time there was even a slightly emotional scene on screen, who’d write long texts and massive captions on people’s birthdays and even otherwise. And I thought being this sentimental was so basic to my nature that it couldn’t probably change. I was vulnerable and fragile, yes, but I could easily figure out how I felt. That was also a transformation from that phase as a child when I was really reserved and complex and short tempered. I was on zero display of my emotions as a kid, but at least I knew exactly how I felt, I had clarity. I lack that clarity now. And not it bothers me that I don’t have to cry every other day, or get emotional over silly things. But it just makes me wonder, where do you lose yourself exactly in time, and how do you build your new self?
Haven’t you ever experienced that change of friend circles, people you thought you’d never lose and you could never have a fall out with drifted so apart and people you least expected to stay actually did? Time blesses a very few of us with stability if I may say so. Of course you too have a role to play in that. I’ve known people who have barely changed over all the years that I’ve known them. But most people, most things, get washed away with time. Time does really fly, and very importantly, it takes you along. At least in bits and pieces it does. It’s like time comes in waves and takes some of you along and leaves you raw to take any shape you may please. People change because their circumstances change, their company changes, of course all that matters and that contributes quite a bit to what a person grows into eventually. But two people subjected to the same kind of company, same circumstances, may actually turn out to be poles apart. One may be selective in his approach or acceptance of his surroundings, and the other may be more easily influenced.
That’s where your basic framework comes into play. We all mature with time, and yes, that comes with a couple of exceptions too. But somewhere deep down, no matter how much you change with time, you remain a bit of the person that you were brought up to be, or who you’ve been all along. Your surrounding environment, your people may change, but you must always come back to your own self. I think every person goes through his own phase of evolution, and eventually evolves to become as sorted as they can be. And you must make sure that whenever and however you change, it must only be for the better. Nobody should grow into someone worse than their original self; that practically defies the rule of development. You don’t go back on things, you only move forward. And never try to imitate what someone else does, or be like someone else. I think it’s wrong to idealise a person, you must instead idealise what work they do and how well they do it. The world needs no photocopies or clones, it only needs originals. So stay as you are. Embrace change, well because it’s the only constant there is. But never lose yourself in the process, because if you do, it shall be the biggest failure of your life