Control anger before it controls you

What is anger? Why do we get angry? When anger becomes a problem? How to control it? Why manage anger? All the answers you will get in this article.

We all know what anger means and we have felt it many times in our life. In our childhood days we use to get angry when the things we want we don’t get. Even we use to get angry when we are in college or at home. It can be seen in every human beings whether it is a child, teacher, father, mother, sister etc. Rather anger can be seen in animals also.  Anger is basically a powerful human emotion and releasing the pressure that is build inside you can be essential to deal with problems and move on. Anger is a physical and mental response to a threat or to harm done in the past. Anger is a feeling that is accompanied by biological changes in our body. When we get angry our heart rate and blood pressure rises and stress hormones are also released. It can cause us to shake, become hot and sweaty and feel out of control. Usually, when we have angry feelings, we often behave in angry ways too. Angry behaviors are like yelling, throwing things, criticizing, ignoring, storming out and sometimes withdrawing and doing nothing.


Anger can lead to violence if it is not properly controlled. Some people use anger as an excuse for being abusive towards others. If anger is not dealt with in a healthy way then it can have a significant effect on your daily life, relationships, achievements and mental well-being. Anger occurs when we sense that our progress towards a goal has been hindered, or when we feel hurt by another person’s actions or words. We all often view anger as a negative emotion; however, anger can sometimes be a healthy and appropriate emotion to feel. It often becomes unhealthy when we make wrong choices or actions based on anger.  Anger basically consists of three components: thinking, feeling and acting.


We all often get angry due to frustration or when the things don’t happen in the way we want or when the people around us don’t behave in the way we want. Anger is often associated with other negative emotions or is a response to them. When we fee hurt, frightened, disappointed, worried, embarrassed or frustrated then we express these sorts of feelings as anger. Anger is also a result of some misunderstandings or poor communication between people around us.Particularly, anger becomes a problem when it creates trouble for us with other people, our health, our work, day-to-day living or the law. It is also becomes a problem when other people around us are hurt, frightened, or feel they cannot talk to you or disagree with you in case you become angry. Here are some signs which will help you to outline that anger is a problem:

  • When you feel angry a lot of the time.
  • To manage your anger when you are using alcohol and drugs
  • When you get depressed or anxious about your anger.
  • When anger involves verbal, emotional, physical or psychological abuse.
  • When you think you have to get angry to get what you want.
  • When you are getting angry with the people who are very close to you, or with people who are less powerful than you, rather than dealing with the situation that sparked off your anger in the first place.


Usually, when people get angry they express their anger verbally. They usually shout, threaten, use dramatic words, bombard someone with hostile questions, exaggerate the impact on them of someone else’s action etc. Some people, who are angry, develop a cynical attitude and constantly criticize everything, but never address problems constructively and some get their own back indirectly by making other people feel guilty and playing on that guilt. Some people internalize their anger; they don’t show their anger in the way they behave when they are around other people.


1.Identify the cause, spark and warning signs of anger:

When you feel the first flow of anger boiling up inside you, pause for a moment. Identify your body’s warning signs of anger and then recognize the situations that make you angry and then think of the consequences of exploding in a rage and then choose how to respond. Make a list of all the things that trigger your anger. If you know before only the things which may make you angry then you will be able to avoid those things or if it happen then you can do something different to cope with it.


2. Learn strategies for managing anger:

There are many strategies for managing anger. Some strategies will suit you than others. Use simple anger management tips for taking a timeout to using a “I” statement to stay in control. Anger management tips will help you to control your anger.


3. Control your thinking ability:

When you are angry your thinking gets inflated and irrational. Try to replace these kinds of thoughts with more useful, rational ones and you should find that this has an influence on the way you feel. Make a list of things to say to yourself before, during and after situations that may make you angry.


  • ‘I will be able to handle this. It could be tough, but I have a plan.’
  • ‘If I feel that I am getting angry, I will know what to do.’


  • ‘Drop shoulder, Breathe deeply, Stay calm and relax.’
  • ‘I am OK; she or he is not attacking me personally.’
  • ‘I can look and will act calm.’


  • ‘I managed that situation well. I can do this. I am getting better at this.’
  • ‘I felt very angry, but I did not lose my cool.’


4. Take time out and go for a walk:

If you feel that your anger is going out of a control then take time out from a situation or an argument. Try to go out of the room or go for a walk. Before you go out of the room or go for a walk, remember to make a time to talk about the situation later when everyone involved has calmed down. During a time out, plan how you are going to stay calm when the conversation will again start.


5. Distract your mind:

Try to distract your mind and take yourself out of the situation that made you angry – read a magazine, do a crossword, listen to soothing music, go for a walk. Try to imagine yourself in a relaxing scene. Try to take yourself down-imagine what your calmest friend would say to you and give yourself the same advice.


6. Use relaxation strategies:

It will help you to reduce the feelings of tension and stress in your body. Regularly, practice these strategies like taking long deep breaths and focusing on your breathing, or progressively working around your body and relaxing your muscles as you go.


7. Be assertive and learn assertive skills:

It is a healthy way to express anger. Take ownership or right of the situation and your feelings.

  • Tell people around you that you are feeling angry and why.
  • Talk very clearly and slowly.
  • Use the word “I” to ensure them you are talking about you, not about them.
  • Don’t demand or threat, make request.
  • Use line “I could” and “I might” instead of “I must” or “I should”.


Assertive skills ensure that anger is channeled and expressed in clear and respectful ways.

8. Acknowledge yourself:

Try to acknowledge what triggers you, what signs tell you that you are on the brink of uncontrolled anger? Have you fallen into any unhelpful patterns of behavior? what have the consequences been?, What works to calm you down?, Are there any triggers in your daily routine or your environment that you could change?


9. Practicing anger management skills:

Make use of your imagination to practice your anger management skills. Imagine yourself in a situation which can make you angry and imagine how you will behave in that situation without getting angry.



It is rightly said by mark Twain- Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. So try to control your anger before it controls and harm you. use the above strategies to control your anger and lead a tension free life.


About The Author

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.