I am going to share a story of a girl who is on the verge of leaving the memories of her teenage and enter into a world, where things are more complex, where now she has to take utmost care of herself – her identity, safety and more over the prestige of her family .It is so because, she has entered into the college- where, the next four years would build her future. Now, she is to be proudly called as a WOMAN. But, prior entering into the new phase of her life, there are some changes that have occurred within her- some of them were necessary and some of them were resisted by her.
There was a time, when she used to be like an open book, which could be read by everyone, mostly her parents. But now, as she has got the honour of being a woman, she finds out that things have changed to a great extent. She can’t be what she was in her teenage. Now, she realises that, she can’t be an open book anymore as there a things which are to be kept within the boundaries of her mind. But, she hates this change occurring within her; she resists for this change, but can’t help it. Gone are those days, when she didn’t think much before calling someone her friend, because, now, she has to be more watchful and selective prior to add someone in her friend’s list- be it on face-book or in her college life. Now, a lot has to be thought upon the effects of every single step, prior she undertakes it.
Innocence, compassion, and friendliness were one of her greatest assets, she possessed a year back; but, realising that these assets could be used as a weapon against her existence, in the present scenario, she has decided to say good-Bye to it. It was so difficult for her to accommodate these changes within herself, that she couldn’t escape weeping.
Most of the words have changed their meanings, in this new era of her life. Now, love is not confined to her mamma’s lap and dad’s hug; it has new meaning in the campus. Besides, she finds egoistic attitude in people around her. Jealousy, enmity and complexes have taken their toll, even in her own circle. She is terrified, when she wonders, if these words would find a place to reside in her mind also. She wants to run, but there is no escape. She is not reminded of a single moment, when she had to struggle so hard to maintain her peace of mind, internal stability and go for self inspection, when she was in her teens. Now, she has to. Right from the day she entered into this new phase, there have been a lot of things to be afraid off. She is no longer – “the brave soul”.
Locked in her room, in profound silence, with mourning heart and tears filling up her eyes she asks herself, is this what is called being a WOMAN?
“Why did I grow up when I was so happy and satisfied with what I was some time back? Why, do I have to struggle for individuality? Why have the things been so complex? Why do I have to accept things, I don’t want within myself? Where have I lost myself? Is this is called life?”
Why do I have to sacrifice so many things? Can’t I fly free like a bird? Why are things weighing so heavy on my shoulders?
I wanted me, a true me, an original me! But as soon as I stepped outside my abode, I was made to realise- ‘Sweetheart, this is not a fairy tale and you are not to play role of an angel rather you are not allowed to do so. Forget what you used to be. This world needs transformation of your being.
Fake a hello, fake a smile or even fake a relationship- this world gives a damn to it! Now honesty, simplicity and authenticity don’t find their existence anymore. The sooner you realize the better you would be!’
She is helpless. There is no one to her rescue but herself. Guess someday she would get over this crisis. But until then, it’s a vacuum.
Silence, grief, struggle to maintain identity…..continues.
She knows her questions would be left unanswered.
She knows its high-time. She looks for a soul who is suffering from the same phase as her. She wonders if all of these happenings occurring within and around her are common with other ladies of her age too. She wants to find an escape if there is any. Oh! What a never ending darkness it is!! Seems like there wont be any morning ever- her heart mourns.
Or is it that she is over thinking or say over reacting to issues that are very normal and a part and parcel of her life?
Is it because she has been rigid to her ideologies to her principles that she adheres to them so strictly and sternly that she is hardly able to let her mind accept all the changes and events occurring with and within her?
Its better if she introspects and finds answers herself.
She wipes off her tears and starts getting ready for her classes.