I wouldn’t have written about this had this not been affecting me so gravely but it’s something worth writing about anyway. I have an exam hangover right now since I’ve been studying for a month and finally my exams begun today and I’m not exactly having the best of time. But what made me write about this is the issue with my sleep cycle. I’ve always had this major issue sleeping, ever since I was a child. I’ve always ‘dreamt’ of a good sound sleep where I lose complete consciousness and am not aware of what’s happening around me. Unfortunately that doesn’t happen with me, just like it didn’t happen last night. I went to bed pretty early but couldn’t get any sleep at all, and that too when I wasn’t even remotely stressed about the exam. I wasn’t thinking about it but I was completely conscious through the night, I didn’t even get a good 30 minutes of sleep. Only that my eyes were shut so I could manage to give the paper somehow without sleeping through it.
And I came back home in hope of some rest and sleep, thinking I was pretty tired and the weather was so bad too, I was bound to fall asleep. Unfortunately, didn’t happen again. Can you imagine not being able to sleep just because of overthinking? And I know for a fact that I think too much, imagining future scenarios in my head and rewinding to the past sometimes too. Sometimes thinking of what I would’ve done differently and how it would’ve changed things. I think about what I want to be like, where I see myself ten years down the line, sometimes even almost the immediately succeeding day. I think about people I’ve known, or that I’m likely to meet somewhere later in my head. And there’s no end to this. For once I thought that I’d just wake up and meditate or something but I wasn’t in that state either. I was rather frustrated. It just made me wonder how many thoughts cross my mind on a daily basis, and how little control I have over them. Despite of trying so hard to get them out of my head, I just couldn’t get rid of them and get a good night’s sleep. I know I’m sounding exceptionally strange right now, and I don’t think a lot of people go through such major issues all thanks to their thinking too much. But well, I do.
And personally I believe, our thoughts have more control over us than we do. They begin to govern our lives sometimes. I’m pretty idealistic too and I think we’re all a little idealistic. And we like to think about where we’d be sometime later in our lives, if not about the past or where we’ve been. We all like to imagine ourselves in a comfortable space somewhere ahead in time. And our thought process is majorly inclined in that direction too. But what do we make out of all this thinking? And as we grow up we tend to devote even more time thinking more and doing less. There’s just a lot on our minds all the time. Sometimes I personally feel like I could get a detoxification for all the irrelevant immaterial things I think about but I haven’t found a way yet to do that for myself. Can you imagine the number of hours in a day that you just spend thinking and planning and wondering? Imagine how much time you spend doing this in an year? ; the number of minutes and hours of your lives that this takes up. I do think it’s important to think, I mean how different are we from animals if we weren’t smarter; if we weren’t equipped to use our brains for something productive, to make something better, to add value to life? But quite literally and realistically speaking, most of our time is spent thinking about things which either don’t matter enough or are only likely to consume us than make us better. Any negative thought is likely to occupy way more space in your head than anything positive, I can vouch for that. You keep brooding over things you cannot control, and you probably don’t even need to. You obsess over issues long gone, over people who make no difference to your life whatsoever. As much as we’d like to think about the good stuff, we end up drowning ourselves deeper in the puddle of nuisance.
Doesn’t it feel really good sometimes when you don’t have to think about anything or anyone and just sit idle, staring into space in oblivion, nonchalant about all worldly things and feelings; love, care, compassion, hate, confusion, just putting it all aside and not thinking for a while? It happens to me very rarely but whenever it does, it feels amazing. Sometimes we really need to stop thinking, about things we cannot control, because if we could then we wouldn’t be able to handle it; about people, because they’re just as capable of looking after themselves as we are; and sometimes even about ourselves. We really need to let go and relax. I haven’t found a detox yet, but if you have something that takes you away from all this hustle and bustle, all this rush, do it. Your mind needs rest, just like the rest of your body does. So leave your worries aside, escape from everything if you have to but don’t let your brain come to the point where it’s brimming with pointless thoughts. Drop it all out, and give it a rest. Because more than you deserve it, you need it.