“You do everything everyone tells you to do because you’re afraid that if you say no, they won’t like you.”
― Eliza Gordon
Have you ever walked into a room full of unknown people and compared yourself to each and every one of them and put yourself far below them and wondered why you aren’t good enough? Be it an interview, be it an audition, do your eyes always seek the goodness in others and flaws in yourself? There’s nothing wrong with admitting that. It happens to me all the time. So many times I’ve stood outside the interview room staring at people and wondering how they’re all so much better than me and that I don’t stand a chance. I’m not saying there’s a permanent solution to this staring and comparing because there isn’t. We’re all too fond of comparing things on the whole, which is good when it comes to commodities but not so much when it comes to people or your own self even. We constantly struggle between who we are and who we want to be. The most accomplished people on the outside too are deeply flawed in many ways.
It’s just that we’re always finding someone to look up to and demean our own selves. Just as we find ways to feel good about ourselves we look for ways to criticize ourselves too. Staring at yourself in the mirror and wondering why your eyes are so small or why your nose is so crooked. We do that all the time. Analysing and over analysing till we finally find something to hate about ourselves. Only that this feeling is aggravated in presence of unknown people. You feel like they’re doing so much better than you are in your life even when they’re probably doing nothing substantial. Just that whatever they’re doing has to be better than what you are doing. That’s the idea. We’re all insecure in more ways than we know. People who seem to have everything going perfectly well in their lives also struggle with things that we’ll never know. Perfection is an illusion. It’s the ideal, and it’s only good to look at, but it’s actually very plastic.
If you’re real, you’re supposed to be flawed. You won’t have the perfect features, perfect hair, perfect height or perfect body. You won’t be intelligent and good at all extracurricular activities at the same time. Or you won’t have a great social life or a settled and sorted family or love life. Something is always going to be missing. And what’s missing makes you a real person and not a Barbie doll. People get plastic surgeries to feel better about themselves. Is it really that important to look attractive all the time? Whatever you may have, it’ll never be enough. We all have oceans of demand and well, a lake of supply probably. Demand always exceeds supply you know, very realistically speaking. You’ll never be good enough for your own self. It’s like the law. And if by any chance even if you learn to like yourself, there are always a number of things to put your insecurity right where it belongs, in your head.
Have you ever met someone after a really long time and felt an instant connect? You love spending time with them and texting them all day. You stay up all night talking to them over the phone and you just get that butterflies in your stomach feeling each time? And then you see some picture of them with another girl or guy friend and you start making stories in your head and assume that they’re romantically involved. And then the insecurity begins to eat you up on the inside.
Insecurity is the sign of a decaying soul. It leads to battle within your own self, because you cannot decide whether to like yourself or not. If you keep judging yourself by all the parameters in the world you’ll never be happy because you’ll never feel good enough. Just because you’re different doesn’t mean you’re inadequate or wrong. We’re all supposed to be unique and have our own set of skills which the other person doesn’t possess. Your appearance, your body, your accent, how well you carry yourself are important when you’re only likely to meet the other person just once in your life because they make a good impression. And most of the things mentioned above are well within your control. There are a gazillion ways to look good these days. What you really need to focus on is that one thing that sets you apart from the rest. Anybody can only make you feel good or bad about yourself if you allow them to. You’re not in a rat race contrary to what most people will tell you.
You’re pretty amazing the way you are, and you definitely have something which you’ll excel at once you try to find that. You don’t have to own the world so you don’t have to be the best. Being competitive and over ambitious are two very different things. Always work on what you’re good at, and only if necessary on what you’re not good at. Else you can just skip it and work on the good. Don’t let insecurity feed on your goodness. Always be the person that you’d be happiest with. You should at least be able to enjoy your own company. You don’t have to look up to anyone else, you can be the person people look up to. Be in love with yourself because you’re worth that and more, believe that, and the day you do that, you’ll set yourself free.