Nothing is more memorable than the life events we experience as a result of being jealousy. It’s a common human instinct to feel jealous sometimes. But do you feel jealous all the time? Or when does it cross the line? Jealousy is appropriate at some occasions but sometimes it gets too extreme.
Feeling jealous is habitual and it is always at the ready. It gets triggered spontaneously in very specific points during the course of a relationship. Once it gets triggered, it is very hard to avoid it.
People of all age group fall prey to jealousy. A child may be jealous because his Mom gives more attention to his new born sister. He is hurt and feels that nobody wants him anymore. I felt this way when my sister was born! A child may be jealous of a toy his brother is allowed to play with but not him. A girl may be jealous of her elder sister’s looks and dresses.
But you might have thought of jealousy at a different level when you started reading this blog. Kids rarely are at each other’s throat or kill each other because the elder child got more priority. The feelings are the same but they are not as obsessive and intense as the kind of jealousy you are imagining.
So why do we experience the pangs of jealousy? The obvious reason is the possessive nature of humans. We perceive personal things as our “possessions.” In fact, we even perceive other people as our possessions in almost the same way we consider material things as possessions! This makes us stress on the word my – my Mom, my girlfriend, my boyfriend, my best friend, etc. The load of jealousy is more when it comes to people because we can control the material things but are unable to put our leash on people.
The possessive feeling has been on the planet since time immemorial which means that it won’t be devolving anytime soon. In today’s world, when we talk about jealousy, we basically narrow it down to romantic relationships. The jealous feelings erupt when a third party lays eyes on our possession (partner) or when our partner adores or leaves us for someone else.
This devaluates us in our own eyes and leads to reduction of the significance felt by us about ourselves. We feel inadequate, devoid of love and our self-image is destroyed. The sparks of jealousy start at that moment.
Everyone gets jealous occasionally. If you care about your partner or possessions, jealousy comes to you naturally. In most cases, it is sorted with a bit of reassurance in a second.
But sometimes jealousy may take the toll of your relationship. Almost all jealous people, once they calm down, realize that they have been illogical while having a fight with their partner because of the weight of jealousy on their heart. They say things which they shouldn’t have and things which might ruin their relationship forever. But people dealing with such abnormal and obsessive jealousy claim that it is such a powerful emotion that it cannot be controlled. They say that feeling is strong as it is fed by the same continuous thought of insecurity- is my partner being unfaithful to me?
Jealously, in some cases, can be an ugly emotion. Some people look at the world through distorted glasses. They not only doubt each and every step taken by their partner, they never trust anybody else and end up feeling miserable all the time. A friend of mine told me a story about a young married woman fighting cancer in a hospital. She had lost most of her hair and no longer possessed the good looks. So she asked her mother to buy her a nice dress so that she could surprise her husband when he comes to meet her after work. She was all dressed but instead of complimenting her, the husband flew into a jealous rage and called her names. He accused her of trying to look attractive to her male doctor and having an affair with him. This is the ugliest and the most illogical form of jealousy you can ever imagine!
Jealousy is about you. If you feel insecure and unhappy about yourself, you are bound to end up on the lap of jealousy. It has a lot to do with self-esteem. Have healthy thoughts if you want to get away with jealousy. Just sit back and think – if you are good and you are happy with yourself, then why on earth would your partner want to be with someone else when they have got you? Partnering with a healthy ego is the best weapon against the hellhounds of jealousy.
Whenever you are jealous of your partner, just list out the wonderful moments you had together. Think for 2 minutes and try to find a reason why he/she would be unfaithful to you. If you do not end up with any reason on why your partner should break the shackles of loyalty, then you are just wasting your time and energy on hallucination.
And if you are the person who is being accused by a jealous person, then maybe instead of firing up yourself, you can talk some logic into the other person. Treat the person with love and compassion and maybe share your experience with jealousy in the past. Using the power of love, you can redirect your partner’s attention and gratitude to where it actually belongs – the wonderful journey and moments that you share together. Complete eradication of the jealous feeling may take a long time but, trust me, love, compassion and understanding are the best drugs to deal with it.