A Journey of Liberation

She was famous in the college for her madness towards him. It was probably iconic, the way she used to love him. I had never seen such devotion and honesty in any person for anyone. Sometimes I even used to imagine and wish to have someone in my life exactly like her. Yeah, she was there in my life but as a best friend. During college days, there wasn’t a single day, when we hadn’t met and talked like anything. We used to talk a lot on every possible topic, sometimes in my home and sometimes in hers. There was a very friendly and uninhibited equation between us. I was the one to whom she used to share her feelings regarding him. Sometimes only ‘He’ used to be the topic of conversation, when my only work used to be to listen to her. She was really crazy about that one guy in our college. Though he wasn’t so much into her but still she used to love her like mad. Being her best friend, I used to company her almost everywhere. Be it market, cinema hall or any party. She used to buy many gifts for him and used to plan several surprises. She was deeply attached to him. It had been more than two and half years that her whole life used to revolve around that one guy. Sometimes I used to feel jealous that why I don’t have any crazy lover like her and also used to think that the guy whom she used to love like mad, never deserved that love.

happy girl

But as they say “love is blind“, she was unable to see the truth in clear perspective. Love from her side was complete and pure but on the other side, it couldn’t be the same way. There had already been number of moments where she had been hurt badly. There had been times when her love and care wasn’t paid attention to and had been taken for granted. Those were the times when along with her even I had been sad and also angry up to some extent. As the time progressed, the rate of her, being hurt and ignored started to increase. The guy for whom she was completely mad, had started to ignore her more often. The relationship, which earlier used to be like a celebration for her had began to turn into a kind of shackle. It was breaking her inside slowly and silently.

Sometimes I think why most of the people don’t value the love they receive? Why do they take it for granted or don’t respect it? I think their ego comes into the way or they might be finding it difficult to respect the love being received.

And this case was mix of both the reasons as per my observations and perception.

Days were passing and it had been more than 20 days, she hadn’t talked to him. She made him call many times but stopped to contact him, when he replied her saying that he would call her whenever he would be free. She kept on waiting but he didn’t call her and then came the day of their 3rd anniversary, she thought that he would call her that day at least. It was the day, when they both proposed each other. She bought a brand new shirt and a jeans for him. She was excited that day and also hoping for his call. Morning turned into evening and then into night. It was 11:45 in the night, she was looking at her cell phone again and again only with this hope that a call or a message would arrive to wish her. She was told not to make him any calls and due to this compulsion, she didn’t make any call to him. But 11:45 eventually turned into 12:00 and that day also passed, just in hoping and wishing but nothing changed. He didn’t call her. Her eyes glittered with tears and she broke down crying badly. She screamed and cried as if she had kept all that pain for so long in her heart. Her tears didn’t seem to stop. Her love, devotion and loyalty for that guy were genuine.“He” was the center of her life for all these years. She kept on thinking is she that bad or non deserving that her one and only beloved is drifting away from her? She cried her heart out for hours and became little unconscious.

some_girl_crying_by_Karana_Collyester

 

She made me a call and told me the whole story. I tried to pacify and console her as much as i could. We decided to meet next day.

I knew that she was deeply and madly in love with that unfortunate guy and at this situation, I was unable to provide her enough of logic to get herself free from this pain. Wait got over and she arrived. I hugged her as she reached to me. I wanted to convince her that everything would be alright but before I could say anything, she spoke and I was amazed to hear whatever she said. She hold my hands and told that the time had come to move on, to get liberated. She cried a lot last night but now feelings had reached a saturation point. She decided that she wouldn’t cry for him. She would love him always but wouldn’t complain or demand anything, not even time. She wouldn’t let him devalue her like this. Her love was true but perhaps the other person’s priority changed in the mid path. It wasn’t her fault and  therefore she wouldn’t cry. She tried her best to make that relationship work but it was fine, even if she failed.

She smiled and told me to get her a coffee.

Weather had changed and it was only because of her firm decision, her decision to look at the life from a different and fresh perspective; to look at the life beyond that one person who used to be her everything. She started to meet and know different people, whom she never looked at. Only because she was busy looking at that one person in her life. With passage of time, she realised that there were many people in her life who liked her despite of her many weaknesses and used to vale her for what she was. She started to approach the life in an altogether different way. Her decision to liberate herself internally from the pain of that relationship changed the quality of her life.

She had made her head so strong and heart so clean that she didn’t hold anything against him and at the same time she was contented and happy exploring many different facets of her life.

Now, she is single but is having such many people who loves to be in her company. Who don’t judge her for anything and supports her unconditionally. I really don’t know from where she got this tremendous power to convince herself and cross through all this? She still loves him but now she is happy even if he doesn’t make her any call or ignores her.

Really, sometimes relationships go through a phase where even after doing so much, our care is taken for granted and we get devalued many times. In such situations we  feel need of liberating ourselves internally from that relationship and liberation only means to get rid of every kind of attachments and expectations, the way my best friend did. She was still there for that guy but she started to look beyond that one person and valuing herself. She stopped taking his avoidance by stop expecting from him and as she stopped expecting, she started exploring the unseen dimensions of her persona. She started respecting herself. It was her journey of liberation. A relationship, which was her life and a guy whom she worshipped taught her to feel her own inner beauty and made her feel liberated. After being in pain for so long, she eventually realised her own worth. I think this realization about her own worth liberated her.

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