What are the three most commonly used words in the history of mankind? Its not I love you, I know even that’s very frequently used but it still doesn’t beat ‘ I don’t know ‘. It just seems like the safest reply to anything controversial. And also the most honest reply to your syllabi related questions. But whenever you’re in a bad mood and you’re asked what’s wrong? These three words slip out of your mouth almost instantly. Its like a reflex action. It’s the most common dodge too, to avoid confrontations or avoid saying what you really want to say but don’t find appropriate given the circumstances. But the question here is, do you really not know?
Let’s be honest here, and self introspect a little bit, you do obviously know what’s wrong with you. If you don’t know then who does? And I’m assuming getting upset isn’t one of those things you’d consider for recreational purposes. Although I have to admit, the amount of attention you get when you’re upset is overwhelming, I pretend to be more upset than I actually am sometimes just to see how much people around me get affected when they see me upset. Its how I choose to make myself feel important sometimes. But normally, there’s something which triggers a shift in your mood. You do not voluntarily become upset, it’s not a choice. In fact, going over how sad and annoyed you are in your head, is further upsetting. The only time when you genuinely don’t know what’s wrong with you is when you’re PMS-ing. That’s an exception to every theory of human sentiments that I can come up with. Apart from that, whenever you’re mad or annoyed, you do know what’s bothering you. Then why do always cover that up with an “I don’t know”. Just because it’s convenient Or because you cannot decide how to describe what’s going on in your head exactly? Sometimes even because you think that it’s far too irrelevant and stupid to be discussed; which happens with me quite a lot. But does dodging the question genuinely make you feel better? I know for a fact, whenever I dodge that question; I know that it’s not going to help me in any way. But it just feels wrong to spill it all out in the first go doesn’t it? It’s like we’re trying to build suspense and make it look bigger than it actually is. Even to our own selves. Some people are constitutionally wired not to disclose their feelings. I’ve come across a lot of such people who are more comfortable dealing with their issues on their own. They have a different healing mechanism that than of most of the population but it works for them pretty well. As a matter of fact, disclosing their feelings makes them feel more helpless and dependent in turn making matters worse for them than they really are. But about the rest of us; What’s with all of us trying to be super secretive and reserved while we’re actually a bunch of emotionally dependent fools who feel the need for to have a heart to heart conversation with someone and mention every little insignificant detail of our lives to someone? What are we trying to hide and who are we trying to be? Why do we deliberately choose to stay broken when we know how to fix ourselves? This is where I fail to back human sentiments with any logic.
The robotic “I don’t know” is one of our biggest problems, and yet we do NOTHING to mend it. It’s like we’re waiting to reach that peak point of sorrow and depression to actually let it all out, even when we have the option of cleaning it right out of our system in the very first go. In the process of trying to be more mature about things, we actually find ourselves drowning neck deep in sheer stupidity. Denial is not the answer to anything. You admit to your feelings, say how exactly you feel and resolve the matter in seconds instead of carrying it along everywhere with you. Human beings are functionally designed to communicate effectively, at least most of us are, then why do we tend to come up with countless excuses to avoid one simple question? We all have our own inhibitions to deal with, our own personal issues to deal with that we don’t feel comfortable sharing with anybody. But you need a mode of discharge of all this negativity that you bottle up inside you because it only makes you more vulnerable and irritable. Staying silent doesn’t make you any stronger, it makes you weaker instead. You can put up a pretense so long; the act is going to fall apart eventually, and at that point you’d feel completely naked and vulnerable within. And however odd you may feel while you’re discussing your problems with someone, the outcome of this is in the long run is a more positive approach and a clearer perspective towards everything that surrounds you. Cynicism not only clouds your vision but it slowly eats you up from the inside. So drop the act, be brave, be loud and say what you feel. Because most of the regrets we’re left with at the end of the day, don’t come from the things we say but from the ones we didn’t.
“I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.”
― Frida Kahlo