A perfect relationship has always been on the wish list of every human being. Perfection in any relationship requires certain ingredients, which maintains its beauty at varying stages of life. Every relationship goes through various stages and at every stage, it demands several different qualities to get maintained. If in its initial phase, it requires time and attention, then in its difficult times it requires patience or understanding. Some times with time, relationships start to lose its charm or sometimes even it starts to feel like bondage. Relationships go through those phases also where we misunderstand love with obsession or attachments and many times a kind of ownership also takes place in relationships. When such changes occur in relationships, it doesn’t remain the same. That is why we say that the relationships are nowadays fragile and challenging and to have a relationship, which is flawless and consistently perfect is difficult to imagine. But that is what we all want in life, a perfect relationship which shouldn’t change, even if everything in life changes.
Many times in life, relationships pass through a sort of single sided phase where we think we are doing everything for our relationships. We feel that we are taking care of the person in an absolutely perfect manner. We do the things from our perspective with right intention too but somewhere in this process, we forget to look at the other side. We forget to see what result it is generating on the other side. We get so obsessed with our idea or perspective that sometimes in life, unknowingly we become unable to see the other person’s perspective in relationships and this creates the distance between the persons.
I haven’t personally experienced this but have seen many perfect relationships going towards chaos and imperfection due to lack of empathy. The relationships which were earlier beautiful, gradually turned into scattered and bitter one, only because with passage of time, it couldn’t manage its empathy and became either possessive or single sided.
It is about 5 years ago when I was in 12th standard, most of the students of my class used to go to coaching classes for preparation of pre engineering test. One of my classmates who was my best friend at that time was also an engineering aspirant. We used to do almost everything together. Be it studies, games, talking and discussing about life or our future plans related to our carriers. He was a very obedient and sincere guy and his love towards his parents was also quite unmatchable. Though belonging from a middle class family, his parents did their best to provide him good education. Prestigious school, topmost coaching classes and everything which was required got fulfilled. He used to admire this about his parents. Many times he used to tell me about his affection and respect for his parents and about the equation of his parents with him but he was also somewhere stuck with the over protective behavior of his parents. Though he knew that the intention of his parents were never wrong and were always for his good but his parents sometimes used to try to protect him in such a way that sometimes it used to turn out slightly suffocating for him and since the time he had joined the coaching classes for pre engineering test, this protection and some amount of pressure went high with time. He went through all these pressures but somewhere he started to believe that his parents might support him economically and could provide him everything outside but at this point of time they were unable to see through what he was going inside.
One day, out of frustration he spoke all the things inside him clearly to me. He told me about how he felt whenever he was pressurized and not understood. He even told me that his parent’s intention were never false or wrong, they always wanted him to be secured but after a certain point of time everyone wants to grow and do the things at their own and his wish was also the same.
His parents were totally right from their perspective. They wanted their child to be secured and happy and even my friend knew this but his perspective was also right, it wasn’t wrong. He wanted to grow and learn.
Every relationship involves two sides and both the sides are equally important. We shouldn’t get so much attached with our own ideas and perspective that we become unable to look at other person’s perspective in any relationship. It will cause only distance because in process of looking at our own perspective, sometimes somewhere we tend to ignore the other person’s perspective and feelings and when we do it, we make ourselves a bit away from them.
My friend’s parents were accurate from their perspectives. Their intention was to secure their child and to encourage him to score brilliantly but they were really not opened to listen to what he wanted to say. Their over protective behavior and attachment to their own idea were causing him pain instead of benefiting him. They did whatever they felt was right with the pure intention for my friend but if they would have asked my friend about his perspective and desires and have understood that then this relationship wouldn’t have seen this gap.
Sometimes we really need to think about the other person beyond our concerns because sometimes what they feel is more important than what we feel for them. To respect their feelings and to keep them before ours is something that is needed in certain situations.
Empathy is about understanding the person, keeping aside our own feelings and perspectives. Yes, it is important that what we should do in our relationships but one more thing should also be considered that what impact is it leaving on the other side? If it is damaging or suffocating then we really need to change because it will finally end up making us distant from each other.Sometimes we become over possessive and attached with our own perspective and feelings so much that unknowingly we hurt the person involved with us and this is the critical time when love turns into something else.
Love is about caring and protecting but at the same time it is also about freedom, acceptance and liberation. It can never be suffocating.
Love protects us in such a way that it doesn’t feel us suffocating.
Perfect relationships need many ingredients and one of the most important ingredients is undoubtedly “Empathy” which gives a balance to the relationship and an eye to look at the other person’s perspective. It gives a chance to be at their position and to experience how they would be feeling.