“For my part, I prefer my heart to be broken. It is so lovely, dawn-kaleidoscopic within the crack.” D.H. Lawrence
The heart is a fragile organ and should be handled with care. Not only is it easily broken, it is the one thing which is the most difficult to fix. The end of a relationship can shatter it into a thousand pieces and blow it all away into the wind, leaving you gasping for air and barely holding onto dear life. It numbs your brains and stuns your senses, creating a chasm of melancholy in which you keep spiralling down, to a seemingly endless pit of gloom and despair.
The splinters of a broken relationship verily embed themselves in the heart, causing mind shattering pain. The pain alone destroys all other senses, until everything is a void, pulling you towards a never ending bottom, with desolation and despair enveloping you. The world halts, and time seems frozen.
Cry, and cry hard. Crying is good. Now you are probably wondering why I am saying this. This is because once you’ve cried hard enough, and sobbed over it as much as you can, you become hollow. Flush the pain away from your system. Crying is the body’s natural way to work through the pain, and it is pain that you feel. And once you are done, you will realise that you hurt no more. This is when you know that the worst is probably over, and only better things can follow from now on. The emptiness the pain leaves behind leaves space for happiness to fill you up.
The next thing to do is talk. Talk about how and what you feel. Pick up the phone and talk to your best friend or your mom. You may not realise it, but watching you suffer, hurts them too. A broken heart cannot be remedied by medicines and such, but with love which is stronger than the one which broke it. It is such love that you need and where else to find it, than with family and friends, who will be there with you every step of the way to hold you should you fall.
Change your schedule. We all have set routines which we follow day in and day out like wired and wound toys. Break the habit. Do something different. You will be surprised as to how much thought you need to put into doing something which is out of your routine and doesn’t follow the natural sequence of your day. This distraction is good. It keeps your mind busy and actively stops it from thinking about what went wrong and why it ended and who was at fault. Deliberation on the past led no one and nothing to happiness. Going down the rabbit hole may seem tempting, but remember, unlike Alice, you will not end up in Wonderland. The rabbit hole is fatal.
God designed us with various emotions ranging from envy to blissful joy to exponential anger. Make space for all of this. You will feel angry, hurt, rejected, dejected and downright sorry and pity. Let it flow. Bottling up feelings is the worst thing you could inflict on yourself. You are hurt and have every right to feel what you do. Being strong in the face of adversity is for heroes and legends; you have all the rights to nurse your wound. Pamper and be kind to yourself. If you are happy with yourself, you will find happiness in the things you do. The sun will shine a little brighter, the breeze will feel cooler, the songs, happier. I’m not saying the pain will not re-surface and there will not be memories you will be caught unawared by, but now at least you are equipped to deal with them a little.
Learn to accept things for what they are. You might not always understand them and be confounded by how the Universe works, but acceptance of the things that you cannot change will get you a long way in letting go of the fact that the relationship is over, it is a thing of the past. Letting go of it all is vital. It is a great step in recognizing that what was once a beautiful dream has withered into a haunting nightmare. Letting go is the divide between the reality of things and the fantasy of the wilful mind. Letting go is accepting that there is no turning back. It isn’t easy. It definitely is not a cakewalk, but remember this, if letting it go hurts that much, holding it close will seek to hurt ever more. Learn to forgive, that makes the forgetting easier.
What you need is a fresh perception. View your relationship with the objectivity from an outsider and not as a part of it. The number of fine things that you might have overlooked during the relationship could be monumental and you might wonder how you did not see it coming. A change in perception and interpretation of an event gives new light to view it in. See the relation for what it was and you might realise that even though it was an extremely good and stable one, there realities which could not have been reconciled and hence what happened was for the best.
Above all, learn to trust again. No matter how great a deception you may feel, trust is what binds us to one another. Trust is what gives any relationship its meaning. Don’t let the loss of trust in one person mirror in others as well. To forgive is to trust and to trust is to love again, and as they say, love makes the world go round.