You know we all have those times, those recovering periods, whether it’s after losing a loved one, after a break up, a failed marriage, a lost friend; that time we require to come back to our normal selves, find our way back. It’s this very vulnerable period, and the duration of this period depends upon your own way of dealing with things, though I do personally believe there are catalysts to this process but then to each it’s own. I won’t expect everyone to move over things quickly, people need their time and it’s essential that we take that time out and devote it to putting all the pieces back together. I wouldn’t say that we’re prone to breaking down, that I guess happens very rarely and only if you’re taken aback by something major. But usually, we have this little period of vulnerability, of emotional nakedness, which causes us too much trouble. This is the time when we’re unhealthily dependent, we seek solace in everyone and everything; we’re less hopeful and more cynical, and so easily provoked.Maybe because there’s a volcano of emotions waiting to erupt and we’re just barely pushing it down by the force of our hands, those too willing to give up and let go for once.
We’re prone to rage and tears, and confusion and overthinking and what not. And mostly, during this period, we experience moments of weakness. Since this is a recovering phase, you’re not completely and outrightly done with what you’re trying to let go of, neither are you as willing to take it back. Basically, it’s the period of conflict between the heart and the head, of what you want to do and what you should do. It’s a testing time I must say, because I know, and I think we all know how hard it is to deal with oblivion, indecisiveness, internal conflict. It’s just too much running through your head at once for you to clearly process everything and weigh out the pros and cons of your choices. But we do slowly get there, that’s the good part. Now the bad part, or well the really bad part. You experience most of your moments of weakness in this phase. At this stage, you’re suppressing your heart’s wishes and following your head’s wisdom, you’re trying to be sane. As much as you’re trying, it’s very hard to not listen to your heart, it constantly echoes through your body sometimes almost making a deafening noise, and well mostly you choose to ignore it. But as soon as something even really insignificant happens, you just lose hold over yourself and listen to your heart in an instant. And it’s equally likely to happen to anyone and I don’t feel that there’s anything wrong with it; it’s the natural system we’re meant to function with.
But often these moments of weakness turn into regrets, or eventually end up making you feel really stupid and silly and making you wish you hadn’t done what you did. It’s the immediate response to a stimulus, almost like a reflex action; uncontrollable and insanely powerful and you can barely make it through this. It could be your ex boyfriend calling you after 3 weeks of your breakup and sweet talking, reminding you of the good old days, telling you he misses it and wants it all back, trying to convince you that it was all a mistake. And after sometime of dodging his arguments and ignoring the passes he’s making at you, you succumb to it, you give in. You become ready to give him another chance. I’m not trying to sound cynical but if he could break up with you once, what are the odds of him not doing it again? And again, will you be able to invest the same faith in that guy again once you’ve known that he had a comfortable 21 days of being without you, or even if not comfortable days, his ego is bigger than your relationship and all the so called good times he just mentioned? Are you really up for all that?
After the passing away of someone close, you hold your tears in for a while. But when you watch a movie or play a game that reminds you of them, you just immediately break down. That’s bound to happen of course. It’s a big loss, but you’re supposed to come out of it and move on. You can’t have strings attached to things and people which no longer exist. If at all you wish to remember them, you must only take along the happy memories. That’s how they’d want you to remember them too. They wouldn’t want you to distance yourself from everyone and lock yourself in a cage. They cared, and hence they would want you to be happy and go out there and live the life they didn’t get to live, live their share too. I’m not promising you that you won’t experience these moments of weakness, I think you’re not only bound to but also meant to experience them. They help you grow into stronger people and keep you very humane and raw at the same time, and exposed to feelings. But you must only grow with them and not make a habit out of them. You shouldn’t be someone so easy. Be hardcore, be tough. Don’t be the leaf that gets detached at a little stroke of the wind, but be the immovable tree so that the storm can shake you but not break you.