From the moment we are able to associate ourselves with certain people and certain groups we tend to become aware of the importance of people per se. The process begins in schools where class groups are formed and friendships foster but at the same time we also begin to realize that to get ahead in life we need to be at good terms with people. This is where we shy away from opining our honest views and thoughts and instead start layering our conversations with ins and outs. We sugarcoat our words so that we are liked by people in general. Some people tend to justify this as being diplomatic or just being plain nice but genuine care and concern can be looked through very easily.

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In this world of competitions and a rush to get ahead we are somewhere leaving our genuine feelings of inter connectedness with people outside our small worlds. Take for example the fact that by the time most people graduate they understand who their friends are and tend to restrict themselves to that particular group of people. But parallel to this some people are politically apt enough to realize the importance of people in general as entities who can be referenced later for some favor or work. This where the entire concept of people pleasing steps in. We see it in our every day conversations, our every day routines in class but on some occasions like the elections to the Student Council body the entire facade of people pleasing falls apart.

We are constantly thinking in terms of motives behind whatever one person is doing. We are just not satisfied or ready  to accept the fact that the person talking to us might have genuine concerns. No, we are always on this guard to detect people pleasing.

people pleasing

Even if we move beyond the walls of college life and extend this to working spaces than the problem becomes of grave concern because most people justify people pleasing as a necessity evil that the modern man has to indulge in. Going into the depths of the matter reveals a different story all together. If we look at both sides, the side of the people pleaser and the one who’s being flattered we see that in practical terms it’s doing none of them any good. The one at the receiving end might take all the flattery seriously and go into ventures and things which are beyond them or their capacity and at the same time it makes the person pouring out polemics in praise of the person being praised, make for himself a self-destructive hole  and without his own realizations at that. People tend to become so dependent on pleasing others and getting their way through everything that at later instances and stages of life they are in real trouble in terms of working their way up.

So, as we can see there’s a limit to which you can rise simply by praising people or saying fancy things in heavily constructed sentences. Also if we look at the ways in which people try to get their way our conceptions of ethics and code of conduct might receive a huge set back. To rise above in less space of time some people are ready to compromise on principles they otherwise would never do. And all of this stems from a previous and constant exposure to pleasing people and getting your way. Person pleasing is the next biggest thing that people are hooked on to.

Usually if we see how a person starts a conversation we’ll notice that mostly they start with a complement on the outer appearance or some superficial aspect. These are the ways in which people pleaser try and capture attention to them and it works! Who will not pay head to a person who is singing songs of your own glory? Therefore, it becomes highly imperative that we can distinguish between someone who is genuinely appreciative of us and someone who says things like they are on record. Because the latter set of people will never think of you in their lives unless you figure in somewhere with respect to the work that they do or favors that they need done. Some people often tend to take flattery very seriously and even literally thereby forming overarching opinions of them which results in one of the most obvious forms of narcissism.

No matter how it’s justify and whether people take it as being diplomatic and friendly and taking everything in good one or not. The various problems associated with these kinds of relations based on praising and pleasing run deep into the structure of a person’s life. It might even be very hard to pick up and pin point to certain aspects and call them as people pleasing activities. These various paradoxes and structural inabilities can only be done away with proper knowledge and acknowledgement of the fact that people pleasing shouldn’t be let away easily for when we start to define corruption the primal definition is of an existence of privileged class and people pleasing eventually through lending of favors does create a “privileged few.”

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