I have a friend who’s been troubled by this guy since about an year. They dated for a month or so and then he went back to his ex and broke up with her. She broke all contacts for him for a bit and then he appeared again out of nowhere calling her up and telling her about everything that is going on his life, flattering her and repeatedly apologising for what he did. Obviously, she had feelings for the guy and everything ended too abruptly so she too cannot ignore him for very long. She has held on to her feelings for very long, and I was expecting her to give in very soon since they had been talking a lot. And that’s exactly what happened. She did give him another chance. They met a lot, and the last time they met the guy got a call from his ex again, and he seemed really chilled out then. But he hasn’t replied to any of her texts ever since she came back home, and he has been coming online too. She’s getting really paranoid, and I wouldn’t blame her. Considering what happened to her the last time, it’s really hard not to be afraid of getting your heart broken again. Such incidents really make me wonder, how does a person really try to move on when their heart is stuck somewhere behind with someone who they just claim to have let go of.

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Is it just that our hearts seek another companion after we’ve lost one and we’re looking for someone better and as soon as we see the opportunity, we just jump on to it? Are we really that needy and dependent that we’re willing to put someone else’s feelings at risk just for the sake of companionship? Just to fill a void? And is it justified to be that selfish? I don’t personally understand why people look for rebounds or how their conscience allows them to do that. How would you feel if you were someone’s rebound? Just someone they claim to like in order to avoid thinking of someone else? It’s so hard to even imagine yourself in their shoes and yet we manage to cause such hurt to someone else. And then also claim that we really like them. Does it not pinch someone to be the reason behind someone’s anxiety and pain and the wet pillows from the tears they’ve shed all night thinking of why something like that would happen to them?

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Usually after being in a serious relationship for a long time, or even for a short period sometimes, breakup feels like something leaving body, making it hollow from inside. You don’t know what to do or where to go, who to talk to all day, who to narrate all those little insignificant incidents to. Relationships are like drugs sometimes; and we are addicts; we get so dependent on the other person that the mere thought of our lives without them feels so wrong and absurd. And especially if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, imagining your life before it is also very hard because you have almost no memory of it. In all your recent past, they’ve been consistently there all along. And that time in itself is so beautiful that even thinking beyond it seems like a bad idea. I understand the plight of a broken heart, and that emptiness too. But the only question is, knowing how much it hurts to be left behind, to have a heartache so big that it consumes you, how do you muster the courage to inflict such pain upon someone else? Had I done something like that, I’d have be a mouthful of guilt and nothing else. And I’ve suffered it so I know what it feels to be like someone’s second option, someone’s distraction and yet not being able to let it go. Because the experience that you’ve had with that person and how they made you feel occupies a huge space in your mind, and thinking that you’ll never get to feel that again once you let them go feels like such a big risk.

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But well, it’s not. Whatever you may have done, you sure as hell don’t deserve to be treated like an option. If you’re anything short of their priority, you might as well leave because then that space isn’t meant for you. Towards the end of our lives we’re left with so little people, and such little time to think that it must only be reserved for certain special people. No matter how social you are, at the end of the day, there’ll be a very limited number of people you cannot function without. And they should be the same people who cannot function without you either. So let go of someone who doesn’t make you as good as you’re supposed to feel. You don’t welcome people into your life so that they can make you cause you hurt and pain. People are supposed to make you happy, make you better. And such people only make good lessons, not good memories. And to all those who justify the idea of rebound, make sure the other person is only taking you as seriously as you’re taking them, because you do not have the power to play around with someone’s feelings. If they’re letting you in, it’s a big responsibility, and more than that it’s a gift. Learn to value it, you may not find someone who cares like they do.

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