Peter Kramer has said that happiness isn’t the opposite of depression, resilience is.
We often take Happiness and depression as a duality which exists as an oddity and the only way to bounce back from depression is to be Happy. But how is this happiness achieved? Hence a better way to say the same would be that resilience is the way a person can rise above depression and catch up to their normal course of life.
When we get into situations which seem larger than life and almost end of life as we know it instead of pondering over and whining about the same all the time the appropriate course of thoughts should be tending towards resilience that is, you can let all your feelings be at the same time. We think feelings are exclusive, if we are happy we can only feel happiness in that moment, similarly if we are sad then we can only be sad in that moment but the truth remains as humans we are capable of sustaining and feeling many emotions at the same time. Logical recourse of rising about the blues should be acknowledging that sadness is a part of life and that you should give your own self space the o be sad but at the same time always be grateful and happy about the hundred other things that go right in your life.
Rejection and depression also leave a dent on our self-esteem and self-confidence, and when things go wrong one after the other we might feel like we are falling back further and further into a place from where to bounce back seems like a herculean task. But we have to remember that rejection is life is inevitable. If things go wrong we can’t do anything about them the only thing that we can do is look and control our own reaction these events by not letting our inner peace be washed over by this wave of pessimism. A resilient person will always have multiple plans for every situation, so when A goes wrong you can seek refuge in plan B, C and so on.
Another important thing to remember when fighting pessimism is that you have people around you who care about you and will go to lengths to make you feel better. It’s very important that you value there support and kind words even if you feel what they say isn’t making you feel better because at the end of the day we all need a support group and close knit friends and family members you can fall back upon. On the extreme end of this spectrum there will be people who will try to push you further down and discourage you for reasons you might not understand, in such situations it’s best to shut your mind to the pessimist elements and make sure you are only around people who make you feel alive. And all of this said and done a healthy amount of reality check can never hurt anyone so don’t be blown away into airs of utopian optimism but rather stay grounded and focus your energy on things that can make you feel better.
Resilient people constantly seek opportunities to grow both in their professional fields and their personal lives. They don’t close their minds and hearts to the world, and don’t let sadness wrap itself around them for long periods of time. It’s very important to realize that things aren’t always a linear progression, they will change but only if you want them to change and only if you work towards changing them. Pushing yourself to do something challenging everyday might prove to be a very effective way to do away with the grim and constant mood swings. Sometimes even getting up and making your way through the day might seem like a task, but you have to take it up like a challenge cause when your sense of competence increase automatically your will power to focus and work on one step at a time towards being happy will increase.
Gratitude is truly a source from which you can derive unfathomable bliss. When we look at our lives in retrospect we look at the one thing or few things that we do not have and ignore the hundred other things that we have been blessed with, but of if we just stop for a moment and count our blessings, we will by default be grateful for them and realize the absolute idiocy of our own arguments and self-constructed misery. Also, when we look at things that seemed horrible, for example getting fired at a job, we see things although were very bleak we did get through and in the end everything that happened to us makes perfect sense, almost like joining dots on a blank paper which end up creating perfectly sensible picture because time and distance from a situation obviously gives us clarity of thought. So instead of seeking the idea of utopian happiness and chasing it with all sorts of odd plans and ideating we should train ourselves to be resilient in our life and build for ourselves a space where we are prepared and constantly grateful.