Humans, I tell you, are a confused lot. It’s all right if you disagree. You see, dearest reader, I am a confused being so I like to presume everyone is. As much as it would please me to be out of the ordinary, sense dictates being confused (often) isn’t a good kind of out of the ordinary, if at all.
So, yeah, fellow confused souls, tell me, how do you feel at the moment? Are you confused? I am!
For the last one hour or so I have been killing time in the worse of ways. By staring into space with what may not be in the literal sense construed as a blank mind, but sure as hell feels-acts-irritates like it! I’d figure you’d ask me why so? Don’t I have better things to do? To the latter the answer is a resounding ‘yes’. To the former, it’s a sad ‘I’d don’t know; I am confused’.
Why confused? I’ll tell you, in a while! Let me first do the honor of explaining to you what a not-quite-blank-but-feels-like-it-mind is?
It’s not blank because thoughts are bouncing up and down, all but bungee jumping, hundred at a time, in my head. It feels blank because the thoughts are too haphazard to make any sense at all together. Individually, they make sense all right. Together, they’re a muddle.
All in all it’s a chaotic scene inside my head and I am but a human if I am not up to the task of sorting and discarding, especially at midnight. I have always found the study of human mind fascinating and enjoy picking at it, finding reasons and coming up with counter reasons for human actions. But that’s other people’s head that I love dissecting, not mine.
Personally, I thrive on chaos. The more, the better! Nothing intimidates me more than an organized mind. Perhaps that is why when I start writing it’s with a different outlook than the one which I eventually discover while writing.
Take for instance this piece. When I conceived of the idea, it was no idea at all. I’d been sitting for hours with random vague ideas popping in my head I couldn’t decide what to write on (hence, confused!). So I thought why not write on just that: Buddies—Chaos and My head! That might have been what I started writing of but now I am instead going to take on the essence of that chaos. You see now what I mean when I say I am a confused soul?
Anyway, the chaos, so to speak, is of a different kind every day (speaking of me!). Today, it’s the romantic kind.
Don’t strain your brains. I’ll tell you what a romantic chaos is. The chaos (of thoughts) whose major components (thoughts) are of the romantic nature is what I’d call a romantic chaos. Like the chaos whose major components are of the study nature is a study chaos. That wasn’t tricky, was it? Just bizarre! Then again, bizarre and I am best of buddies.
Talking about romance, the essence of my chaotic ideas, I’d say it’s a thing of beauty! And nope, here I don’t mean the poetic romance. What I mean by romance is what most people associate with hearts and roses, a couple of chocolates, and lots of indigestible cheese too! By the way, by cheese I don’t mean the dairy product! You’re smart, do some figuring out!
Why most of my I-am-so-not-sorting-them-slash-discarding-them thoughts are, in one way or another, about romance is beyond me. Blame it on not reading a single romance genre novel in over a month. My mood, at the moment, and for the last few weeks, has been anything but romantic. So it is a puzzle to me why my thoughts are so! Aren’t thoughts and mood supposed to be brothers in cause-and-effect? Never mind, I don’t understand me!
Getting back on track . . . when I say romance is a thing of beauty I have strong cause to say so. You see, beauty, the way I see it, isn’t something which pleases the eye, rather the mind. Romance pleases my mind, hell yes. I’ll get to the why in a while.
What do you think of romance? Allow me to categorize the general response to that question into three broad heads—Sighs and Starry-eyes, Snorts and Rolling-eyes, or none of the above! If you belong to the first head, you are a lost cause. If you belong to the second head, you’re again a lost cause. If you belong to the last head, you’re to this piece, of no cause.
Personally I am a lost cause, though I belong to neither head, strictly speaking. My responses are a product of my mood. I may sigh or snort, depends.
When I sigh, I dislike it when others snort. When I snort, I dislike it when others sigh. Blame it on my confused soul!
I’d say romance is never constant. It can’t be defined. It has many facets. A romantic evening may be candle light, soft music and versus of love for one person. While for another it may mean a quiet evening spent at home, order-in food and TV. I know people who’d call shopping romantic! Though, to my mind, shopping is anything but romantic, especially because I despise it. On second thoughts, maybe it is. Who am I to judge?!
I’ll answer the romance-a-beauty-why now. To me romance is when someone does something special for you (lots of leeway, I know!). It need not be grand or obvious. If has to make you feel special. The effort the person makes . . . the thought behind it . . . now, that’s beautiful.
I am nowhere near figuring out the romantic chaos of mine. Thoughts are bouncing, still. But it’s a nice sort!
PS: If you try and make sense out of this piece, do so at your own risk! Romance, my friends, doesn’t make sense.
PPS: Are you a victim of romantic chaos?