Seasons Change, Relationships Change

Final years of my school life were as a matter of fact very interesting, socially. The time that was not devoted to studies was spent with interacting with friends. When it came to boys, let us just say there were times of flirting and being flirted with or if there was no sort of attraction from either side, it meant solving each other’s crush problems. Surprisingly, now when I sit down to ruminate, I can categorize five of those boys into months when their impact on me was the strongest. Let us just name them December, January, February, March and April respectively- the months in which I became closer to them.

December : December was an indirect friend reaching out to woo my best friend (let us call her Winter. Not the harsh cold Winter, rather the comfortable pleasant Winter.). It all started with sending a friend request to me on Facebook just like any other normal friendship begins in this digital era. I thought of him highly. He had just one mission and that was to impress Winter. He made her happy and as long as she was delighted, I had no objection. Our friendship grew stronger. He spent hours describing her beauty, her attitude and her behavior to me. However, my intuition told me he was not the kind of guy Winter would prefer. And my estimation was correct. Winter and I spent nights weighing the pros and cons. It was an undeniable truth that they were two very different people. That was when December changed colours like a year that ceases and a new one commences. The December I knew was the past. The December that took over was as unpredictable as a new year. His vanity got the better of him. The fact that he was being rejected by the ‘girl of his dreams’ (as he liked to put it) bruised his ego. Feelings were hurt on either side of the reacher and the seeker. Relationships irrevocably changed for the worse. If Winter was not content, I knew it was the appropriate time to shut the door for him. As for my friendship with December, after much thoughtful pondering over our conversations, it hit me that there was no me in ‘our’ friendship. It was just him and his feelings that we discussed. A one-way selfish relationship it was.

January: Next came January. I had known this guy for almost half a year but we had barely conversed before. Things changed when one day, all of a sudden, I received an inbox on the unofficial dating website-Facebook. I was surprised to receive such an unexpected message. We began to talk. Our conversations were, honestly, very boring. Being an ambivert, there were a number of failed attempts at striking a conversation. We had nothing in common. Soon, news from the grapevine reached my ears that January had a crush on me. That was when the holier me surfaced. No matter how many times my heart melted with his casual flirting, the moralistic me knew it was wrong to lead him on. Eventually, he himself confessed he had a crush on me and I admitted it sympathetically yet frankly that his feelings would remain unrequited. I dreaded that our friendship would change because no matter how little importance he held in my life, I liked having him around. Fortunately, a Casanova that he is, a rejection did not pique him because he already had other girls queued up in line to flirt with. And so, time and again, we ping each other. Time and again, he flirts with me and involuntarily I blush. Time and again, we keep in touch.

February: February can be credited with being the most interesting of them all. It was eerie how much we had in common. It was a healthy friendship void of any frivolous flirting. Gradually, the bond grew stronger brimming to the point of infatuation but that was where the line was drawn. I knew a little more drop of closeness and the friendship would overflow out of the glass and eventually get damaged. He was one person who annoyed me. But I never expressed my irritation instead always resorted to silent treatment. We patiently waited for my boiling temper to cool down and then patched up again. However, twice he crossed the line. That was when I knew this friendship was not leading to a happy sunset point. I put on my guard and detached myself for in the end, the sub-conscious me had a strong foreboding that my feelings could be hurt. I was not ready for a third time.

March: March was the most popular guy of our batch. He was like that popular jock from a chick-flick movie minus the womanizing. On the contrary, he was too much of a gentleman. We shared a funny history. For reasons unknown till date, I was linked with him by my friends. As the teasing continued over the months, I never realized when my indifference turned into something more substantial. This juvenile game began to play with my heart. As if the Universe had also decided to be up against me, March had a girlfriend. (Let us call her Summer, not that long-awaited summer teemed with sexy dresses and cocktail parties but that stinky, sweaty unwanted weather). Yes, probably my jealousy is way too evident. To make matters worse, Summer never missed sneering at me in school and embarrassing me in public, or so I always imagined. To make it all the more intolerable, everyday I had to survive their mushiness on yet again the social networking site that has crazy, stupid love written all over it- Facebook. Why PDA has not been banned yet is beyond me. However, I am not oblivious to the strong unbreakable bond of their relationship and I am definitely not living in denial. He is just a guy I like even though I know I cannot have him. Let us just end it at that.

April: Now comes April. The most helpful of the lot. April happened to be my best friend’s cousin. (Let us call my best friend Spring because she is as vibrant as flowers in that season). Uneasiness crept in when April confessed that he liked me and kind of proposed to me. Now, April was one of those guys you just know you can never be together with. Of course, I could not find a polite way to decline his proposal without disappointing him. Moreover, I was paranoid that my relations with Spring might change. That was when Spring came to my rescue and gave me the liberty to handle my circumstances with April my way without worrying about her feelings because it did not bother them. Oh that sweet April, even after I said no, he continued to like me and showered me with compliments without fail. Moreover, April came to my rescue when I needed someone to help me out. My conscience pricked me for having used him but he willingly volunteered nonetheless. I will always be grateful to him for solving my problem and I know I owe him a lot. Undoubtedly, it is always soothing for the ears to hear someone praise you and tell you how special you are. It is pleasing to know yourself from the eyes of an admirer. That is what April did and has been doing. He knows his feelings remain unrequited but he still does not miss a beat to make me happy. I would gladly want him to move on and find someone else because he deserves a girl who will remain as loyal to him as he is with me at present.
Note: All these boys have left their impressions on my mind, be it positive or negative. I actually learnt the essentials required in maintaining a relationship and how fragile it is if not taken care of. Nonetheless, I would not want to undo these five months.

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