The three pillars of a relationship

We’re all in different kinds of relationships with different people. You’re a daughter and a mother at the same time, you’re a friend, a companion, someone’s lover, someone’s wife. And this is well, covering the most basic relationships. There are many others since I think we’re all bound by certain relationships as soon as we’re born and others we willingly enter into. Obviously we behave differently in each of the relationships because of certain norms of a relationship. And the same norms don’t apply to every relationship. It’s like different jobs have different requirements and hence varied selection criteria. I don’t intend to make relationships sound like a job though. But how we function in relationships is more or less like that. Some relationships we involve ourselves in to have a wholesome family oriented bringing up for our children, and enjoy the little joys of family life. And some others we indulge in for our basic needs of socializing and communicating with the outside world, finding comfort outside our comfort zone. There are never any guidelines as to how to maintain a relationship, no matter how many you find on the internet; the best thing you could do is just be yourself and let everything else fall in place as it must. Because every relationship is based on mutual acceptance of each others’ flaws and appreciation of qualities. And if it wasn’t for that, it would be more of a compulsion than a relationship. And that must never be the base for any healthy relationship. No matter how different our behaviour, code of conduct is in every relationship, it depends heavily on the three basic pillars of any relationship.

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Mutual love and respect:

Now here obviously I’m not referring to contractual relationships, because there’s absolutely no requirement for love there. But in our regular relationships, there is a need for some mutual feeling of love and affection towards one another. So that when you do something for the other person, it’s more than a mere formality; it comes from your need to make them happy and shower them with pleasant surprises. No man can exist in complete solitude and indifference. As much as we need to be looked after, we also feel the need to give in the same amount of time and put our hearts into something. Love is that mutual benefit that every person in a relationship derives from each other. There’s no monetary give and take involved, it’s just subtle acts of love displaying our liking for the other person. In the absence of love, relationship is just like an empty cup, hollow and superficial. Hence, love is the most basic pillar of a relationship, because the relationship itself stems from it.



Trust is the backbone of every standing and surviving relationship that I’ve ever known. It removes that little barrier between two souls to make them mutually coexistent. It creates a safety cushion or a comfort zone that every person needs most. Once you begin to trust someone, you don’t hesitate before saying something to them because you know that they get you and you can depend on them, you have nothing to worry about. Mostly, trust is just very liberating. It’s a very fragile thing to deal with but once you’ve invested it in someone, you’re not worrisome anymore. You know you have an outlet for every negative emotion you feel just as you have for all the good ones. You begin to trust someone based on certain incidents, or maybe just how they are in their being. Some people are relatively very easy to trust because of their very nature. And well, sometimes we end up getting disappointed by believing in the wrong people, but then we’re all bound to be disappointed sometime right? Why not give your heart out to something at least? Disappointments are better than regrets at least.


Complete understanding of each other:

I don’t think you can ever continue very long and harmoniously in a relationship if you don’t understand the other person well. By understanding I don’t just mean what’s their favourite cuisine, their favourite colour or hangout place. These are very superficial things. Understanding of a person’s behaviour, their intentions is what really matters. Knowing what they’re likely to do and why would they do that is important. Because that gives you an insight about how the person is as a human being, the virtues that he possesses. How kind he is, or how heartless he can. How often do they get mad and what makes them angry; are they good at expressing themselves or not? There are just way too many things you need to know before you can figure a person out completely. And not going by what others say about them, but by your own personal experience and observation. You need to have been around the person to understand their motives, what drives them, their ambitions, their level of determination etc. Maybe you cannot predict how they’ll react in a particular situation, but you should at least be able to tell how happy, upset or angry something will make them. Not a very detailed one, but you need an understanding of the basic formative elements of a person. Knowing someone doesn’t imply knowing their name and what they do, but what they are, and that makes a very strong foundation for a relationship.

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