You know how people say never give up on someone you can’t go a day without thinking about. They’re right. Giving up is never the solution to any problem because most things that you give up on are actually fixable. But there is a very thin line between giving up and letting go. You give up because you feel like you can’t try any more. It’s because you want an easy way out of your problem. It’s indifference or ignorance. Letting go is a different thing altogether. When you decide to let go, you aren’t picking the easy way out, you’re picking the hard way because more than letting go of the person, it’s letting go of the hope. The hope that you’ll mend things someday and you’ll have a happy ending. It’s when you know that you’re not going to find your happy ending with that person no matter how far you’ve imagined your life with them. It’s finally accepting that your dream shall go unfulfilled. But when it’s so heartbreaking, why is it even essential to let go?
It’s important to let go because things are sometimes broken beyond repair, and no matter how much we try to collect the pieces and put it all back together, it’s going to fall apart each time you try. And you’re so attached to it that it’s unlikely that you’ll ever stop believing that everything’s going to fall back in place. I think we all keep a stack of the good and the bad memories that a person gives you. It’s like each time you have a fall out with your loved one, you look back at the stack of the wonderful memories that they gave you and how this little conflict is so insignificant in front of them. That’s a great way to look at it, and probably your safest bet if you want to maintain your relationships. I’ve done it all my life and it does work, because most people actually tend to not think before they react over little things, and words are just about as dangerous as nuclear weapons in a war. Only that they are much less valued. Nevertheless, people often will excuse you for your words too, no matter how harsh they maybe, only if they know you well enough to know that you didn’t mean them. Till the stack of good memories is way higher than those of the bad, you’re good.
But the closer the stacks get in their length, the trickier becomes the situation. You forgive people because they mean more than their words do to you. But honestly, it’s very rarely possible to forget the hurt they cause. Just as you remember the good, you remember the bad too. And it’s sometimes far deeply engraved in your head. And till you cannot forget, I don’t believe that you can completely forgive either. Because whenever something happens next, you’ll immediately be reminded of that time and you will drag that into the conversation further worsening things. And it’s very important to always be vocal about your feelings so that the other person is always absolutely clear about what’s going on in your head and you how are feeling so that there’s no miscommunication or ambiguity. For a very long time, you can keep excusing their mistakes because you know, the heart wants what the heart wants. And as long it wants them, you hardly have any control over it.
But never let it get to the point where your self respect comes at stake. Because your confidence and your self respect will take you far too many places in life than any successful or failing relationship would. Excess of everything is bad, and whoever said that did have forgiveness in mind too. Do not push yourself too far. As hard as your life may seem without them, if they’re not going to make it any better either, it isn’t worth it. Just as you throw away your old stuff once it becomes redundant, you let go of a failing relationship when you’re done trying everything to save it. That stack of good and bad memories I mentioned before? When the stack of the bad memories exceeds that of the good ones, that’s when you stop trying. Any kind of love is supposed to make you happy. It’s something so beautiful it’s supposed to heal you and not destroy you. The relationship may or may not work out, but at least you will come out of the relationship safe and sound. It’s okay if a relationship is broken beyond repair, but it’s not okay for you to be broken beyond repair. You cannot save something at your own cost. Nothing’s important enough. Save yourself first, so that at least someday you can have a chance at a happy ending with someone else. So when is the right time to let go? When it’s equally hard to be with or without someone? That’s when you let go.
“Most things are forgotten over time. Even the war itself, the life-and-death struggle people went through is now like something from the distant past. We’re so caught up in our everyday lives that events of the past are no longer in orbit around our minds. There are just too many things we have to think about everyday, too many new things we have to learn. But still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone.”