A breakup, a divorce, or even a failed friendship can leave us shattered. We become like a paper which has been torn apart and left to exist in a stormy weather. A normal existence and sustenance begins to appear like Herculean tasks. However, what makes the situation more pitiable is that we are no Hercules. There is no dearth of popular entertainment that is aimed at bringing us out of that “depressed soul” zone. Yet we stick to that. Tugging into bucket of ice cream, chocolates and cuddling a pillow rapidly attain the connotations of sadness, remorse and vulnerability.
The worst thing that happens to us after a breakup is that we are left with no self confidence and a lot of self pity. The love for our own self dies a slow death daily. To worsen the condition even more, our friends and people around us start sympathizing with us and not empathizing. We are just reminded time and again that we should not have done this or we could have done that. Little does anybody think of the present abyss in which we are sinking. In a desperate attempt to save ourselves we go into the rebound phase. But, is that a solution? Well, we all definitely know it is not even close.
The first and foremost thing to be kept in mind is the realization of everything. We need to realize that the relationship is over. We need to realize that from now on, we will have to associate that person with past tense. We need to realize that we need to move on. Going into a lifeless cave does not help. It just makes us feel that we are some rejected, dejected beings. In a way, we start treating us like unwanted and un-loved objects which are just good enough for whining and cribbing. This self pity can be hugely destructive. The havoc that it can wreak upon one’s personality is of epic scale. Just because our own universe is going topsy-turvy at a rapid pace should not mean that our sanity and rationality shall suffer the same fate. Do we not know that change is the only constant? As it is said on social media repeatedly, shit happens. And accept it, it happened with you and now you just have to take a leap forward into a new life.
If you are one of those who feel that the glass is always half full, then getting over a breakup should not be a big deal for you. But, even after that it is or if you belong to the half-empty clan, you need to realize that good things can come your way. A breakup is not the end of the world. Just think of yourself as the ship of Theses whose all the parts have been changed only to emerge as a new ship! Your inner Self will still remain the same and it should. A relationship, no matter how disastrous it has proven to be, should not affect your Self. Life is much more than a failed relationship and you deserve much more.
If anything, breakup should trigger off your inner conscience and mind to churn its rational wheels in a constructive manner and move forward. We may indulge in our favourite hobby that had been hitherto ignored like an old rug. We may go out and meet new people. We may read inspirational books. We may travel. We just need to ‘get up. Dress up. Show up.’ Keeping in mind the fact that our needs and goals have changed, the need to move on becomes all the more intense. For this, the realization must come from within lest our soul be withered away like an autumn leaf.
The dark clouds of negativity that keep on hovering over us should be pricked as soon as possible so that sparkling raindrops of optimism and rejuvenation can rest on our bodies, shimmering. Being around cynical people is the worst we can do in such a situation. The people who crib even when there is sunshine, how can we expect them to bring a smile on our face when it is immense dark outside. The only way to draw away the blinds is to keep ourselves surrounded with chirpy people whose life strives on humour and we might just find ourselves making fun of the same thing which was making us cry bucket full of tears last night. In the breakup phase, we lose our own senses and absorb whatever happens around us, the situations and the attitude of the people. This makes the improbable seem absolutely certain.
One cannot and should not live in the past. If we find ourselves looking behind, we need to pause. Stop. Think out the past and get over it completely and then is the time to move forward. If we keep walking forward but have our head turned back, it can only lead to an accident. But the question is: will it really be an accident or a subtle suicide that we planned on an unconscious level? There is a need to think out everything. Our world has changed and so we too need to do the same. Life cannot remain a stagnant pool. It has to be and it should be a free flowing river in which little pebbles can create ripples but they cannot turn its course. ‘For men may come and men may go, but it’ll (sic) go on forever.’