It Just Wasn’t Meant to Be

She called him twice. Beep..he didn’t pick up. Tear fell out of her eyes. But this wan’t the first time she was she was crying, for she was all used to it. Used to being hurt, being used or just simply not being accepted.And now tears no more helped her release her pain , she couldn’t escape the truth anymore and neither could she fool herself anymore. And then started her ” Blame thyself process”. She blamed herself for every little thing she could- for being too insecure, not being pretty enough , not being understanding enough and probably being the most annoying person on this face of earth.

She cried more rapidly now, all sweaty and red. The pain was more immense this time, maybe this was serious. He wasn’t coming back, no, not this time. Every time her hope died a little but there was no hope this time and an hour passed blaming no one , but her own self. She called him again. Beep..he didn’t answer. This time she didn’t cry probably because she had expected this in the back of her mind. Memories came her way and clouded her mind. Happy memories of the past they were, she tried brushing them away , she couldn’t.

He was the first guy ever to look at her in a different way , think of her in a different way. He made her weak but she felt good.She always found him looking at her and she always replied back with a smile. That was it , he proposed to her and she couldn’t resist. It was a happy “yes”. Tear fell out of her eyes again and she went on with her memories. He held her hand in public , he wasn’t embarrassed of her and it made her feel confident about her self.

She turned to the other side of bed and closed her eyes – all she could remember now was the first time they kissed . She noticed tear falling from her eyes then too but those were tears of happiness and joy.

She thought he was perfect, perfect for her. He was; he loved her, spent time with her , made her laugh , replied to her calls and texts and listened to her stories. How could such a perfect thing end? she though but got no answer. Memories made her even more weak, she was sinking for she had not imagined life without him. And now that he was no more, she just couldn’t cope. She wanted to cry out loud and ask him for explanations but he wasn’t here this time. Her questions were left unanswered and this hurt her even more. She thought he was different , he wasn’t and again she blamed herself for not being sane enough to understand this. She kept on blaming as if it helped her reduce her pain.

Hours had passed and she wanted to call again but she didn’t. They have had fights earlier too then why was it different this time? she questioned herself again. She started judging herself and all kind of bad ideas came to her mind. She wanted to sleep , she couldn’t because her past kept on flashing.

And now slowly she was growing hard. No more tears came out of her eyes . Yes, she was getting back  , trying to get back in terms with herself and with her situation. She knew she had to move on because this was the best possible thing to do because she couldn’t ignore herself like he ignored her. She needed herself this time for now she could no more depend upon him. She thought for a moment, actually she no more wanted to depend on him for anything. She pressed her eyes hard just to relax herself, she started gathering herself. She was now turning into this strong girl she always wanted to be.

She laughed to herself for now she understood that this is what happens when you literally fall in love. Yes, she wasn’t ready for this because she thought that they always fought to unite. He did not wanted to unite this time. His patience exhausted before her’s could. She was stronger than him she thought and that it would take time to get over him , for a few hours back it was jut about him. But she understood that it could just have never worked out with him. And it is not because he lacked somewhere or she lacked somewhere but just because. She realized that some relations are for a limited time period , they make you happy and then you fall and to get up . To get up as a stronger person. Some questions are just better left unanswered.

He wasn’t coming back , she knew this for sure . But there was a lot of difference between these hours of trying  , crying and blaming , now even she did not wanted to go back. She loved him though for she loved him passionately but this was her strong moment and she decided to pick herself instead of falling. She knew she had to carry that fake smile for a long time but she was going to give it a try. She finally realized that probably ” it wasn’t just meant to be “.

Some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong ; sometimes it’s just letting go. – Unknown

it wasn't just meant to be

it wasn’t just meant to be

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