The wildly misunderstood romance

Romance. One word we’re all rooting for somewhere deep down. One word and a thousand associated feelings waiting to explode within you leaving you numb and simultaneously craving for more. You’ll get a lot of definitions of romance online, you can google it if you want. Literally, it’s associated with things other than love too but mostly always used in that context so we tend to equate it with that. So some of us claim to be hopeless romantics, I sure as hell do! Because I think I look for romance in everything, even in the simplest of gestures and I’m capable of finding it, at least I’d like to believe that. But what is romance really? And most importantly, what’s your perception of romance? So this happens to me really often and I’m sure it happens to a lot of women, rather girls out there, hanging somewhere in the middle of their teens and adulthood. Random strangers start hitting on us. They’ll get our numbers through mutual friends because they saw us at some party and found us attractive and thought ‘hey! How about I try on that girl?’ Picking up girls at bars is in vogue probably. Anyway, not diverging from the point; I find their flirting pretty disturbing honestly.

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I mean, I know you don’t love me, you making up stories and being overtly affectionate is not impressive, and for the love of god, it isn’t romantic. I don’t think I’d even believe someone is romantic till the time they’d make me fall in love with them or maybe I’m dating them already. Romance is not a gesture, it’s the idea of making someone feel a certain way. It’s not doing something, it’s initiating a feeling in someone that you willingly wish to make feel special. And as romantic as people believe they are, they really aren’t. Throwing ten cheesy lines at someone doesn’t make you romantic. She’ll probably laugh a tad bit, then it’ll stop being funny too. Or if you’re overtly affectionate, and you’re constantly blowing them kisses and sending adorable emoticons over texts when you barely know them, and sometimes even claiming to be in love with them, well, that isn’t romantic, it’s rather annoying. I mean, at least be realistic and say stuff that’s actually believable. If you’ve known me for ten days and we haven’t even been meeting regularly, just talking over texts perhaps, and ten days later you tell me you’re in love with me, I will obviously not buy that. In fact that’ll create a very immature picture of you in my head for very obvious reasons. When I say I need my guy to be romantic, I don’t mean that I need him to bring me chocolates every time I meet him, buy me expensive gifts, drive me around wherever I want, or buy me flowers and rings and god knows what. I don’t need all of that and I’m pretty self sufficient that way, if at all I needed it I’ll do it myself.

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Nevertheless, I don’t mind a little pampering and occasionally being bought a box of cupcakes or a bar of lindt, but yes, occasionally. It’s not a demand and I can do without it. When I say I need romance, I mean I need you to do something for me that I cannot do for myself. And I probably don’t want anyone else to do for me apart from you. It’s as simple as that; and it’s a very basic expectation anyone is bound to have and is clearly justified. It could be something as simple as holding her hand when you’re driving her back home, or a text asking her if she has reached safely. It could be watching her favourite sitcom or movie to figure out why she likes it, it could be taking interest in what she does, in her talent, or it could even be listening to her pour her heart out to you or when she’s narrating the story of her life. You just look at her and you probably don’t know what she’s talking about but she looks so good saying it that you cannot help but stare. That’s immensely romantic if you ask me.

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Not that you should do that every time, I wouldn’t recommend that. It could be paying attention to little details about her; like what colour she wears most, how she can never eat a doughnut without dropping the filling everywhere or even how she turns red as a tomato when you talk about Channing Tatum. You may not flaunt this every time, or rub this on to her face, but once in a while, you know, you could just let her know that you read her all the time. There’s nothing more romantic than knowing that a guy actually listens to you and at least takes time to get to know things you’re interested in. You may not have any mutual interests or the same choices, but he’s trying to get to know you, and believe me, that’s bloody romantic. And mostly, if he can make you believe that he sees his future with you, not just by saying it and making up uncanny stories and drawing you into illusions, but doing things for the two of you, even simply taking time out to see you over a video call when he’s out of town; that is romantic. It’s always the simplest things that you love most. That’s my idea of romance at least. What’s yours?

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